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I am sitting in my workplace and everyone is doing their work silently. Suddenly a loud noise comes from nowhere and everyone gets panicked. But when they SMELL, they already know who is it...

I want to get rid of such situations sooner as possible.

I tried one thing before: Whenever I felt urge to fart, I start sprinting towards the balcony, or washrooms, but due to my great walking skills, that thing comes out in between, and everyone comes to know about it, becoming a center attraction.

Our chair is a typical workplace chair with rubber-ish sitting area.

Does anyone know how to silently fart in such situations?

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    So you are saying that it will be OK to fart silently, if the smell can't be attributed to anyone? Oct 15 '20 at 12:34
  • Yes. The noise is the problem to me... If it smells, it is OK. because people here are sitting close to each other. So no doubts on me if it just smells
    – Jaypreet
    Oct 15 '20 at 12:35
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    Hi Jaypreet, Welcome to Lifehacks. — If you are under 40 y/o, relax your sphincter muscle. If you are over 40, go immediately to the washroom.
    – Stan
    Oct 16 '20 at 18:35
  • @Stan Yes, I am under 40 y/o. I will definitely try relaxing my sphincter muscle. Thanks!
    – Jaypreet
    Oct 19 '20 at 5:52
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Gas is a normal byproduct of digestion, but if you have to pass a lot of gas, often, and you cannot relate it to a specific food you eat, then you have a digestive problem. The food is not properly digested. Try to fix your medical problem (maybe start by reading about candida albicans and sodium bicarbonate that kills it), but in the meantime, this will help:

  1. if there are people that can directly see you: sitting in your chair, shift your weight to one butt cheek (the other one up) and then using it as a leverage, slide a little to the opposite side and put the other cheek down. You do this to spread the butt cheeks a little, and slightly loosen your sphincter. Then you can try to intentionally release the gas, but not all at once, just a little, so the smell won't be a problem.

  2. if nobody sees you: the same, but use your hand to grab one of your butt cheeks. Spread it apart, so that even your sphincter loosens a little. Then release, slowly, not all at once.

Practice a little. When you learn how to do it, there will be no sound and no smell. And you will be very happy ;)

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    This worked..!! Thanks a lot..!! I farted like 5 times with my one cheek up in the other side, and my neighbor became the suspect.
    – Jaypreet
    Oct 19 '20 at 6:11
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    Just make sure you don't follow through... Oct 21 '20 at 14:52
  • OMG !! with 15 characters length
    – John Canon
    Oct 31 '20 at 20:56
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You have already discovered that getting up and walking/running to the balcony encourages the release of the fart. So my hack is not to suppress the fart, but

  • Get up and walk around every hour before you need to.

  • End up on the balcony or in the fart room.

The physical motion will encourage gas that has been building up to be released where it won't be noticed, and you are back in control. When you are in a "safe" place, you can make more exercises to flex your body and encourage the release.

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  • @i think it would be better if you walk to the toilet every half an hour/not including meetings
    – Genie
    Oct 20 '20 at 6:54
  • @我的不好 perhaps you need to do that every half hour, some will need every quarter hour, others every two hours. Obviously, you figure out how often it's needed for yourself. Someone who builds up gas quickly: more often. Someone with a slow rate: less often. Oct 20 '20 at 11:32
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How to silently fart in workplace?

Do not let it build up, so that you are able pass an emission of gas from your posterior without making a noise. The longer you hold it in, the greater the chances are that your fart will be audible.

Another trick to help out, would be to avoid eating too much food that give you gas.

Foods That Can Cause Gas

Carbohydrate-rich foods tend to cause gas, whereas foods that contain mostly fats and proteins do not. That doesn't mean carbs are bad for you—in fact, lots of healthy carb-rich foods are high in beneficial nutrients like fiber.

That said, if you suddenly add more fruits and vegetables to your diet, you might notice more gas. The exchange may not seem fair ​since by adding these healthy whole foods, you're actually improving your diet. But take heart: Not all plant foods cause gas in everyone. Often, as your body adjusts to the change, you'll notice less gas.

With a little trial and error, you can also determine which foods you are most sensitive to. Commonly, these include:

  • Beans such as navy beans, chickpeas, pinto beans, and white beans

  • Vegetables including asparagus, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cabbage, onions, and mushrooms

  • Fruits such as apples, peaches, and pears Starches including potatoes, corn, pasta, and wheat, and any foods made with these ingredients

  • Sugar-sweetened drinks and apple juice

  • Carbonated beverages such as soda and beer

  • Dairy products such as milk, cream, and ice cream

  • Sugar alcohols such as sorbitol, mannitol, and xylitol

The common denominator here is carbohydrates that contain fructose, lactose, insoluble fiber, and starch. These ferment in the large intestine, releasing gas as they do.

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Farts are caused by a buildup of gas, obviously. That in turn is caused by bacteria in your gut fermenting the contents. The longer the contents stay in your gut the more fermentation and more gas. You may have a problem with constipation. You need to empty your bowels more frequently.

There may also be an issue with the type of bacteria in your gut. That can be affected by what you eat. Is your diet unusual in any way.

Finally there's some good news. The loudness of a fart is influenced not just by the volume of gas but also by the muscle-tone of your anal sphincter. The tighter the seal the louder the fart. It could be that you have excellent muscle-tone. Congratulations. Or you may be developing piles, not something to congratulate you on.

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    Hi Bernard, Welcome to Lifehacks. Don't forget to visit the Tour and Help center to get the most from this quirky site. You'll even get a badge (Reputation) for the effort.
    – Stan
    Oct 16 '20 at 18:38
  • I have an excellent muscle-tone..!! - Thanks!! I may have developing piles... Oh Damn..!!
    – Jaypreet
    Oct 19 '20 at 6:07

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