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Modern toilets are oval shaped and longer front to back than side-to-side. They use less water in the basin and are taller. That means modern toilets give you two advantages over old toilets in order to reduce splattering:

  1. The toilet being taller means your pee has less energy as it strikes the surface of the water since you are closer to the water since the toilet is tall (physics reminder: potential energy due to gravity, as your pee exits your body, = m*g*h (mass x gravity x height)), and
  2. having less water in the basin and a differently-shaped basin means you can aim your pee at the inner sidewall of the basin to keep it from splattering. i.e.: your pee strikes the angled porcelain instead of the water, leaving very little if any splatter on and around the toilet.

But, I live in an apt. with an old toilet that is super short to the ground with deep water and no place in the bowl where I can pee onto the porcelain instead of into the water. I'm a clean guy, so after each pee there is water splattered all over the place, from the rim to the seat to the inner part of the seat lid to the floor, and so I clean it up with about 10 squares of toilet paper... each and every time I pee.

In summary, the problems with my toilet which increase splattering from the old-toilet shape include:

  1. deep water--more splatters
  2. no side-wall porcelain I can pee on--so I pee into the water where it splatters
  3. low toilet (high kinetic energy for my pee as it strikes the water) --> more splatters

How can I reduce this splattering?

I thought about sitting and have done it a couple times, but that's just a pain-in-the-butt. It takes so much longer than standing.

This is a serious question. I'm going through a lot of clean-up toilet paper just from peeing. I'd like to save more trees.

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  • 12
    Hi Gabriel, Welcome to Lifehacks. Rhetorical question: If you add up your time, effort, material cost, and natural resources lost for the [unnecessary] materials used (for wiping up); does it not compare favourably to the "pain-in-the-butt" for simply dropping your drawers and bending your knees for the duration? I would think it to be a small trade-off overall if for nothing else than to save 'energy'.
    – Stan
    Nov 19 at 16:59
  • 1
    Low-profile toilet bowl designs are most beneficial for defecating where squatting is optimal for ease of discharging feces. Jus' sayin'.
    – Stan
    Nov 19 at 20:08
  • 1
    You can buy a new toilet for less than $100. Otherwise just put some toilet paper in there before you piss. It'll reduce the splashing.
    – YoeyYutch
    Nov 20 at 7:30
  • 6
    I am confused: when you're standing while peeing how do you play on your phone for 25min until your legs have fallen asleep and you have to limp out of the bathroom? Do you one-hand it or just go hands free on the peeing to have both hands for the phone? That would explain any problems with aiming...
    – joh-mue
    Nov 21 at 11:25
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    It takes so much longer than standing. - No, it's actually slower once you factor in the time it takes you to thoroughly wipe the pee off every surface.. |Also sitting down means you're not peeing from height and having a stream that breaks into droplets before it strikes (droplets increases splashing) so you can increase the pressure to evacuate your bladder faster
    – Caius Jard
    Nov 21 at 20:55
40

The classic method for this is simply to sit down to pee.

This virtually eliminates splashing, and any that does occur is trapped below the seat. Only the bowl itself and the seat need to be cleaned; the floor/rugs/etc. never collect any splash at all. I know men who (by report) routinely do this in their own homes to reduce the required cleaning.

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    Unless they're showing off, most women I know (also by report) routinely do this at home for much the same reason. +1
    – Stan
    Nov 19 at 20:12
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    I didn't mention them because that appears to be the default behavior for women (at least in Western society). Men in the same society, on the other hand, mostly grow up to stand for this function, which is most efficient for wall mounted urinals -- but can be messy for common home toilets.
    – Zeiss Ikon
    Nov 19 at 20:18
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    Never stand up when you can sit down. Reducing the required cleaning is just a bonus.
    – Mazura
    Nov 20 at 2:27
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    @VladimirF Presuming you're peeing in private, and your bathroom is cleaner for less effort from you, what difference does it make?
    – Zeiss Ikon
    Nov 21 at 0:07
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    As a western man, I have sat down on toilets to pee for at least two decades. I do not feel that it threatens my masculinity.
    – Arthur
    Nov 21 at 11:40
14

You've got to slice the Gordian Knot differently. Pee in the sink.

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    Hi John Smith, Welcome to Lifehacks. Before you drift away, have a peek at Tour and Help center to find out more about our wacky site. +1 BTW for thinking outside the bowl.
    – Stan
    Nov 21 at 3:23
  • You should also recommend this here. ;) Nov 21 at 11:02
  • Do you keep your toothbrush next to the sink?
    – Caius Jard
    Nov 21 at 21:00
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    I can't believe this has 9 upvotes already. You might as well tell me to pee in the trash can or out the window. Nov 22 at 7:37
  • 4
    @GabrielStaples You can also pee in the trash can or out the window.
    – wha7ever
    Nov 22 at 18:02
7

My hack is not to pee into the toilet bowl but into a plastic jug, which you can then pour into the bowl from a low height.

Rinse and repeat.

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    This is, in fact, what my ground-pounding 'kid' brother does and suggests that do the same. It is otherwise called a 'pilot's comfort station' for those like me who cannot pull-over (at altitude) and who's destination is still [too many] minutes away. Pick one up at any pharmacy. +1 sir.
    – Stan
    Nov 19 at 19:52
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    @Stan Or "sailor's delight". Nov 20 at 13:45
  • 3
    @Peter-ReinstateMonica - I'd have thought sailors would struggle to miss the water...
    – Tim
    Nov 21 at 9:03
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    @user253751 the Tour says "Lifehacks Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for people looking to bypass life's everyday physical problems with simple tricks." Nov 22 at 10:18
  • 1
    @user253751 people actually do it, hence it's serious. Nov 24 at 14:54
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Of course, not forgetting that this is lifehacks after all, I vote you consider some gadgetry:

  • Get a funnel, a length of hose, some good quality self adhesive sticky pad cable tie base pads and a pack of cable ties

  • Secure the funnel and hose to the wall, funnel opening at.. er.. waist height, and lead the hose into the toilet

  • If it's a plastic hose, like a typical garden hose, you can warm the hose if you want to bend it to a tighter radius, and hold it bent while it cools

  • If you don;t want the hose flopping around in the bowl, you could use something like one of those disintectant toilet block things to secure the hose to at the toilet end, so the hose output end is a short distance from the bowl side

  • Keep a squeezy/squirty bottle of disinfectant surface cleaner close by the funnel

  • Ensure there are no u-shapes in the hose (where pee can stand and collect/smell)

  • The toilet seat can fold down and the hose sits in the gap - no more arguing over lifting the seat

  • Ta-da! a "poor man's urinal"

Now, you can pee a short distance into the funnel and have your pee communicated directly to the toilet bowl. A couple of squirts of the disinfectant after the job is done should keep everything reasonably sanitary (or at least, smelling that way :) )

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    I actually like this idea! :) A homemade urinal! Wife may not like it so much. I know Home Depot has some clear tubing I could use. I'll look into it. Nov 21 at 21:58
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    Disinfectant: some "greenies" use diluted white vinegar (around 1:1) in cases where the impact of the disinfectant/deodorant on natural processes is important (typically, composting toilets and the like). Usually a trigger spray bottle i.s.o. a squirt bottle, but both should work.
    – frIT
    Nov 22 at 10:22
5

Normally, I'd suggest adding a square or two of toilet paper in the bowl. This is the same hack I often use when pooping (experimental analysis has shown this to be effective). But it sounds like one or two won't suffice in your case.

So how about dropping 5 squares of toilet paper onto the water surface before peeing? Or even 10? You're using that much anyway to clean up, and I'm pretty sure it will significantly reduce splattering even in your bowl.

If that still doesn't work, try bundling all the pre-pee squares of TP into a single area of the bowl and aim consistently at this "cushion":

safe landing

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    I'd like to second this. I live in humid Florida and have adopted a routine of doing a quick wipe before urinating (it's not as clean up there as you think). Leaves you fresher and provides a perfect baffle/target. Nov 22 at 13:52
3

This is NOT a be-all-end-all answer. So, please, by all means, provide more.

Kneel. If you're tall, kneel on the floor or a floor mat in front of the toilet. This brings you closer to the water, cutting your pee's kinetic energy roughly by the proportion you decreased your height.

For me, I'm too short to kneel on the floor and still reach the toilet. So, I kneel on a stool. It seems to decrease splattering some. Maybe I use 5 squares of toilet paper to clean splatters now instead of 10.

Looking for more answers, but this is a start.

Here is my toilet and kneeling stool.

Note: all the black marks in the center of the toilet are scratches on the porcelain where the finish is rubbed off--likely from a toilet snake tool used over the years to unclog the toilet (this is an old apartment toilet). The ring around the toilet at the water line? Yeah, that's grime that should be cleaned. That part comes off easily with a brush when I clean it.

enter image description here

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    This position is also helps when praying to 'the great white porcelain god' after a night on the town (pre-Covid-19) in excessive 'celebration'.
    – Stan
    Nov 19 at 20:17
  • 1
    @Stan I know it as "talking to the dinosaur on the porcelain phone". Nov 20 at 13:44
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    I always thought I'm the only one with a dirty toilet. Nov 20 at 13:46
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    It's also surprising through what hoops you jump before you suffer the indignation of sitting down. Nov 20 at 13:47
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    @Peter suffer the indignation of sitting down - erm. Do you poop standing up?
    – Caius Jard
    Nov 21 at 21:02
1

I use the kneeling appartus too, but mine is more comfortable with a cushion on it, and I use it elsewhere as well, like when I wash the bottom of the bath tub.

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LostNavigator23 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering. Check out our Code of Conduct.
1

Sit facing the tank, a reverse sit down, and pee. I go to the toilet a lot during my sleep, this way I can lean on the wall because I'm so tired.

Sitting down works better when your trousers are easy to remove. At night I can drop my pajamas with no costs. The trousers I use during the day came off nearly as easy.

Bonus: no pee splashes in your trousers

Careful not to fall asleep on the toilet, but no shame if you do.

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icetbr is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering. Check out our Code of Conduct.
1
  • Very original idea, thanks for sharing. I wonder, what made you try this for the first time? Something you read? 9 hours ago

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