Is there a way to silently defecate in public toilets, without causing a loud splash/fart sound? Every time I'm on public toilets it's really hard to silently do my business.
Avoiding bodily sounds isn't possible, unless you fancy whistling or humming, but putting toilet paper in first will stop the water noises.
I'm going to take this in two parts.
How do I avoid farting noises?
This might sound weird, but there is a way to do this. Farts come out when the pressure builds up, then releases all at once. So do something to release it while it builds up. For me, taking a piece of toilet paper and pressing somewhere near the hole allows me to silently pass gas while on the toilet. But be careful...
How do I avoid splashing noises?
As Terry suggested, you can put a couple pieces of toilet paper in first. This has the added benefit of reducing the jets of water that attack you from below. But there is another way that helps as well. If you don't center yourself directly over the deepest section of the bowl, there's less water to splash on. This means less noise.
However, everyone still makes noises while on the toilet. Everyone knows this. Because of this, people are more forgiving about it. Additionally, you will always make some small sounds. But you are more likely to notice these than other people. When it comes down to it, just do your business and don't worry about making too much sound.
Use the toilet itself to mute the sounds by flushing when you feel gass is about to release, noone will hear it if you time it right.
You could also play music from your phone, or fake a call and just play music as your ringtone while you go, it will seem like someone called you, your not picking up, and covering up random sounds all in one shot
Put paper down first or failing that, wait until someone starts the electric hand-dryer and then GO FOR IT! The sound of the dryer will give you a good 10-30 seconds of farting and splashing undetected. ;)
Use dog bags? Although the sound might be disconcerting it won't be familiar and therefore recognisable.